More Mail from My Inbox

Both Alphonso C. Dalton and Pearlie W. Staples have some complaints about the size of their man's manhood. Alphonso writes: "My boyfriend's shaft is too big for my mouth". And Pearlie: "My new guy's dick is enormous, and my mouth is tiny". And both were giggled at by both men and women in public and private toilets.

Who knew having a small mouth was so hard on people?

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Both Art D. Ellison and Beau X. Juarez write: "When I tried to give him oral sex, I practically choked. How do I do it without gagging? Please help!". Both also have problems with dolls laughing at them in municipal bathrooms.

Well guys, I have a hard time swallowing aspirin! Don't think I can help you here. How big are your mouths, anyway? Also, the last time I saw dolls become animated was in those Chuckie movies. You might have a real problem there. You might want to bring this to the attention of the Weekly World News. Or call a priest. Maybe he could help you guys out. Something tells me you won't have any problem with gagging or laughing Barbie dolls after some good prostrating and an exorcism or two.

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Kerri B. Benitez says: "My boyfriend's pecker keeps slipping out...in the federal water closet".

From the looks of things, Kerri works on Capitol Hill and is jealous that her congressman boyfriend takes restroom breaks with the male pages. Maybe you just don't satisfy him in bed, or maybe he's...let me guess here...just another conservative Republican family-values type who is just using you as a prop to deflect attention from him and his true perverted self. Go straight to both Keith Olbermann and Bill O'Reilly with this story, Kerri! Keith will report it and O'Reilly will spin it to make it look like your boyfriend was framed. Either way, you get rid of the loser and get a book deal in the process. Tell Oprah I said "hello" when you make it to her show.

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Cesar B. Dawson writes that he, too has a problem with his boyfriends penis. "My boyfriend's tool keeps slipping out", he writes.

Cesar, it sounds like you're using WAY too much lube, man! Don't use so much. Conserve. If you buy too much, people will start to talk. Hope that helps.

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Concepcion Melendez says she'll help me gain up to 3+" in length.
Lorrie Poole is offering 6+".
And Viola Donovan is bidding a 7+" increase.

Dora Henley says her penis is bigger than mine. What is it with so many women having a penis today? Men, dildos, and strap-ons weren't enough?

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Fabian Hatcher seems to just be boasting when he writes he's satisfied 300,000 men. If anyone has a picture of Fabian I'd like to post it in Wikipedia under "Whore".

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I didn't know Hofstra had a program like this, but from there Everette S. Rosario writes that through their genetic manipulation program I can "enjoy new abilities of the real Man and become him". So there you have it, folks. They went right behind Dubya's back and are busy 'manufacturing' people! Men, anyway. Women will assume that among this new man's new abilities will be picking up after himself and putting down the toilet seat.

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Finally, Georgina Anaya brings me the news my friends, family, high school and college professors have long waited to hear: "You (I) Finally Qualify for a Diploma!" It took over 20 years, but I finally qualify for those I thought I had earned back in the 80's. Thanks for the good news, Georgina! It really made my day!